Find your happy

What makes you happy? I've been sitting with this question for the past month whenever I go through my dark days. I take a moment and count the things I love, the things that bring joy to my heart and shoots excitement through my veins. I have a compiled a list (because that's what I do when I'm stressed). It's both very specific, and very broad.

First on my list is probably obvious: books. Literature of all kinds lifts my spirit, no matter how bad a day I'm having. It gets me thinking, takes me to far away places. I could sink in between the bindings of my favorite books. The sun has risen and sunk again without me realizing because I'm so engrossed in a world of fiction. It's when I'm happiest; it's when I'm most myself.

Following that, I always get absurdly excited when I find a perfect reading spot. (See picture above. Location: St. John's College.) Somewhere sunny but cool, maybe a light breeze. Somewhere I can sit and disappear into the book surrounded by something beautiful. (See above picture again. Because I mean, really, come on.) I like trees, I like benches, I like quiet corners of libraries that smell like old pages and ink.

Prepare to go full-nerd with me, because learning and debating is also on my list. Let's learn about new things and then sit down and argue about them! Not in an angry way, mind you -- but a passionate way. I don't care if we agree or disagree, and I'm probably not too concerned with winning you over to my side (though don't be surprised if I try). I just love smart, deep, meaningful conversations that challenge me.

I love movies. Stuck in Love is still a favorite. I love music. Anything Mumford and Sons makes me cozy-happy. I love long, tight hugs from friends. I love the sound of someone pouring coke into a glass. Freshly mown grass reminds me of my childhood, and fairy lights make me dreamy.

In listing all that I love, I'm finding my reason -- my place in life, my path forward. It's exciting, this clarity, and I cannot wait to see where it takes me.

Top 5 reasons I love Annapolis

Fifteen months ago when I moved from Ellicott City to Annapolis, I was anxious about how I would fit into this new city. I had never lived anywhere else, and I had very little idea of who I would be in a place that wasn't my home. But faster than I thought possible, Annapolis has become my home. So what makes Annapolis so great? Let me tell you...

1. THE HISTORY

Annapolis has a rich history! Four signees of the Declaration of Independence came from Annapolis. We are home to the oldest state capitol in continuous legislative use, and City Dock is the only remaining pre-Revolutionary seaport in the United States. Main Street is lined with beautifully preserved architecture. And did I mention that Francis Scott Key, penmen of the national anthem, actually attended St. John's College? It’s true! (Check out some of the buildings at St. John's College, emblazoned with his name.)

2. THE SEASONS

Maryland is one of the lucky states that gets to experience the four seasons in all their glory. Summer is hot and ideal for sailing, autumn is crisp and golden, winter is a snowy wonderland, and spring is rainy and green. Sometimes the weather fluctuates through all four seasons in a week, but that’s half the fun!

3. THE PROXIMITY

Annapolis is the center Maryland. Forty minutes one direction will take you to DC, while a forty minute drive the other way will get you to the Baltimore Inner Harbor. Landing smack-dab between DC and Baltimore is very convenient for traveling between the two busy cities, but it does cause a bit of a divide with sports teams come football season.

4. THE CULTURE

Like music? Great! How about art? Even better! And food? Don’t get us started! Annapolis is thriving with culture. If you enjoy spending your nights listening to live music, you’ll love Rams Head, five minutes down the road on West Street. But maybe you’d prefer the Annapolis Opera, Annapolis Chorale, or the Annapolis Symphony Orchestra. Visit our open air theatre and take in a musical or two, and then stop by an art gallery to check out the local talent! If you’re a history buff, we’ve got some museums you may like, too. Annapolis also boasts some delicious restaurants, large and small. There’s a wide array of options, from classic seafood (try the crab cakes anyway, extra Old Bay, please!) to Mediterranean, Mexican, French, Chinese, Italian, and more! Plus, our coffee shops are more than your average Starbucks—though don’t worry, we have those, too!

5. THE PEOPLE

Artists, midshipmen, lawyers, and restorationists. It’s hard to put the people of Annapolis in a box, but we all have one thing in common: warmth. It’s never hard to start a conversation on the docks with a stranger, or even get a great suggestion of where to find the best, cheap dinner downtown. Snowed in? There’s always someone willing to lend a hand to help shovel you out! People are kind and genuine. It’s a friendly city that’s easy to fall in love with.

I couldn't be happier in Annapolis, and the longer I live in this city, the more things I find to love. It's a perfect place to learn about who you are and who you want to be. Ellicott City will always be my first home, but I'm proud to call Annapolis my new home.

TMOD Teaser

Lately, it's been difficult to carve out time for me to sit down and productively write. It takes a little bit of time for me to get to that mental space I need to be in to actually write something worth saving. And typically, after work, I'm a little too sleepy to think straight, let alone put together sentences that would ever make it past a cursory round of revision.

That being said, I'm making more time. I'm writing more, and working on a project I am extremely enthused about! I'm calling it T.M.o.D. It has a real title, but I love it too much to share with the world until the first draft is complete and the novel is somewhere closer to finished. I posted a little synopsis on the Pinterest page for the book:

Winter, 1949, upstate New York. Four boys (James, Theo, Scottie, and Lewis) live in the cluttered attic of an old dormitory at an ivory university. They have ambition and art; all that's missing is the money. In walks Lucie with her romantic ideals, treacherous wit, and surprising air of serendipity. Happening upon a mysterious journal filled with a wondrous tale of forgery and fortune, rapacity runs rampant among the artists. Nothing is more deadly than desperation.

This book is very aesthetically driven. It deals with art and passion and jealousy. It's dark, romantic, and exciting. Or at least I'm hoping that's what it will be! The entire plot has been fleshed out in detail, as have the characters and settings, and I am so excited to start writing it in earnest.

It's been a while since I've shared any of my writing, so I thought I would post a quick snippet from chapter one. The draft is still rough around its edges and in the early stages, but here you go...

Where I'm going / where I want to be

About twice a week, I have an existential crisis. It's very exhausting and vaguely entertaining in its dramatics as I start to hyper-plan and panic about every aspect of my life. I think about where I'm living, what I'm doing, where I want to go, and what I want to be. Sometimes, it feels like time is running out for me to make some of those monumental life decisions because I keep looking ahead at what could be and man does it seem like the future is much closer than it used to be. In these fits of anxiety, I get struck with a brilliant moment of clarity where I realize that right now counts. This is my life, and I am in the middle of living it. Am I doing it right? Am I doing it well? How can I make the most of it?

I don't have the answers to all of these questions yet; I'm still searching them out. It feels like I change my mind every other day about the direction I see my life going, and part of me is terrified that once I make a decision, it will be unchangeable. I'll be trapped in some version of my life, wishing I had chosen the second option.

One of my biggest fears is losing control over my life. I despise the idea of being stuck, of being unhappy and unable to do anything to change it. It's part of the reason I can be so indecisive at times -- why I have a sort of wanderlust of the mind. I can vividly imagine a dozen different scenarios played out, for better or worse. It makes me scared to move forward at times. I'm fighting that fear every day.

What if I moved to a different state? What if I stayed in Annapolis? What if I wanted to become a teacher? What if I worked in marketing and journalism? One thing I know for certain is that I want to keep the people I love close to me. I want to continue to do what I love: write. I want to create things and be happy and be able to take nice, clean, deep breaths. I want to fall in love every day and be sure of my choices, knowing that if I am unhappy, I can change things. I am never trapped, even if it feels like it sometimes.

When I need to remind myself that nothing is permanent, and that life is whatever I want it to be, I think of one of my close friends from high school. She knew she wasn't as happy as she could be, so she made some changes. Big ones. She moved over 26 hours away from the hometown she grew up in. She left the classes she was taking and the job she was working behind to find what made her happy. Based on what I've heard, she found it. I admire her bravery more than anything. I wonder what my version of bravery will lead me to?

Where I'm going: I don't know yet. I'm still feeling out the multiple paths diverging in my wood. I'm hoping that there will be a time when the path I'm meant to travel becomes more clear. I'll keep watching and planning. Where I want to be: In a place of peace and security, wherever that may be.

Indian Rocks Beach

I made a promise to myself this summer: I will pick up my camera more. I want to take more pictures and capture more moments on film so I can look back at them later and remember it all. When my family went on vacation this July to Indian Rocks Beach on the west coast of Florida, the few times I wasn't covered in sunscreen, sand, and saltwater, I did just that. Pictures were taken, memories were made. These are just a few of my favorites.