TMOD Teaser

Lately, it's been difficult to carve out time for me to sit down and productively write. It takes a little bit of time for me to get to that mental space I need to be in to actually write something worth saving. And typically, after work, I'm a little too sleepy to think straight, let alone put together sentences that would ever make it past a cursory round of revision.

That being said, I'm making more time. I'm writing more, and working on a project I am extremely enthused about! I'm calling it T.M.o.D. It has a real title, but I love it too much to share with the world until the first draft is complete and the novel is somewhere closer to finished. I posted a little synopsis on the Pinterest page for the book:
Winter, 1949, upstate New York. Four boys (James, Theo, Scottie, and Lewis) live in the cluttered attic of an old dormitory at an ivory university. They have ambition and art; all that's missing is the money. In walks Lucie with her romantic ideals, treacherous wit, and surprising air of serendipity. Happening upon a mysterious journal filled with a wondrous tale of forgery and fortune, rapacity runs rampant among the artists. Nothing is more deadly than desperation.
This book is very aesthetically driven. It deals with art and passion and jealousy. It's dark, romantic, and exciting. Or at least I'm hoping that's what it will be! The entire plot has been fleshed out in detail, as have the characters and settings, and I am so excited to start writing it in earnest.

It's been a while since I've shared any of my writing, so I thought I would post a quick snippet from chapter one. The draft is still rough around its edges and in the early stages, but here you go...

Where I'm going / where I want to be

About twice a week, I have an existential crisis. It's very exhausting and vaguely entertaining in its dramatics as I start to hyper-plan and panic about every aspect of my life. I think about where I'm living, what I'm doing, where I want to go, and what I want to be. Sometimes, it feels like time is running out for me to make some of those monumental life decisions because I keep looking ahead at what could be and man does it seem like the future is much closer than it used to be. In these fits of anxiety, I get struck with a brilliant moment of clarity where I realize that right now counts. This is my life, and I am in the middle of living it. Am I doing it right? Am I doing it well? How can I make the most of it?

I don't have the answers to all of these questions yet; I'm still searching them out. It feels like I change my mind every other day about the direction I see my life going, and part of me is terrified that once I make a decision, it will be unchangeable. I'll be trapped in some version of my life, wishing I had chosen the second option.

One of my biggest fears is losing control over my life. I despise the idea of being stuck, of being unhappy and unable to do anything to change it. It's part of the reason I can be so indecisive at times -- why I have a sort of wanderlust of the mind. I can vividly imagine a dozen different scenarios played out, for better or worse. It makes me scared to move forward at times. I'm fighting that fear every day.

What if I moved to a different state? What if I stayed in Annapolis? What if I wanted to become a teacher? What if I worked in marketing and journalism? One thing I know for certain is that I want to keep the people I love close to me. I want to continue to do what I love: write. I want to create things and be happy and be able to take nice, clean, deep breaths. I want to fall in love every day and be sure of my choices, knowing that if I am unhappy, I can change things. I am never trapped, even if it feels like it sometimes.

When I need to remind myself that nothing is permanent, and that life is whatever I want it to be, I think of one of my close friends from high school. She knew she wasn't as happy as she could be, so she made some changes. Big ones. She moved over 26 hours away from the hometown she grew up in. She left the classes she was taking and the job she was working behind to find what made her happy. Based on what I've heard, she found it. I admire her bravery more than anything. I wonder what my version of bravery will lead me to?

Where I'm going: I don't know yet. I'm still feeling out the multiple paths diverging in my wood. I'm hoping that there will be a time when the path I'm meant to travel becomes more clear. I'll keep watching and planning. Where I want to be: In a place of peace and security, wherever that may be.

Indian Rocks Beach

Indian Rocks Beach, FL, USA
I made a promise to myself this summer: I will pick up my camera more. I want to take more pictures and capture more moments on film so I can look back at them later and remember it all. When my family went on vacation this July to Indian Rocks Beach on the west coast of Florida, the few times I wasn't covered in sunscreen, sand, and saltwater, I did just that. Pictures were taken, memories were made. These are just a few of my favorites.

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